yaknapatawpha

I'm not having as hard a time with this not going to the gym, attack on my OCD insanity/ new outlook on life thing as i thought i was going to and it's scaring me.  No anxiety attacks, no major pangs of guilt, not even a slight longing for the elliptical.  Granted it's only been a couple of hours since i made the decision BUT i thought it would've hit me by now.  Maybe later tonight?  Maybe it won't hit me at all.  Maybe this is simply just what i need to do.  Redefine myself and my life and DEFINITELY my priorities.  For the record, i'm not cutting myself off from the gym entirely.  It's not like i'm  forbidding myself from entering the doors or anything drastic.  Just no more OCD.  No more "I have to go an hour or else i'm worthless."  No more addiction.  I might go running tomorrow, maybe a mile or two, if my ankle is ok with it.  And i'll probably lift weights more often just to keep some muscle.  But i need to stop the endless, full blowout calorie burning binge inducing hungryness etc I need to figure out how to balance hunger and food and normal daily activity sans excessive exertion that i wont be able to keep up for the rest of my life.  

My brother just called me.  Just to talk.  I don't know what to say about that.  It's nice that we're friends now.  It's cute that he comes to me for advice about girls.  I feel like we're grownups now.  Nehoo i should go.  byes