no adios...gracias por todo

Why is it that i have the most final of track records with friend?  I can never speak to joy or greg ever again.  We moved from canton and weren't supposed to talk to anyone and haven't (aside from joe).  Kari moved, annalise moved, and now aleks is probably going to transfer.  I was planning on breaking up with him anyways,at least two days ago...he's really been great trying to make amends in the last two days which makes my already weak will falter, and it really actually would be a good idea for him, it just sucks.  He deserves a new start.  someplace new where he doesn't feel ashamed about being kicked off the soccer team and all that crap, where he can actually play soccer which he loves to do.  Someplace he can make new friends, have a new start...really the best thing for him.  He has so much potential, he's so smart and talented, but he's stuck in a routine here.  He needs to get out and experience life and start new.  And transferring really would be the best thing.  But it still hurts.  I'm still sobbing my eyes out because i will miss him.  Even though i was planning on breaking up with him because i didn't want to be with someone who has no worth ethic and is as lazy as can be and kind of a prick at times, but i love him.  He has so many other amazing qualities.  And you know what, just between you and me, i think he might even get off his ass and do something with his life if he were to transfer, if given that opportunity.  So i know it's the right thing.  And i have to let him go because it's best for him, and for me, and for us.   But it hurts.  I get tired of saying goodbyes.  And next year will be the hardest of all because i'll have to say goodbye to all my boys and college and start all over again.  Even if we were to stay together, things were going to be rough regardless because of the fact that Aleks is a sophomore and i'm a junior and i would graduate a year before him and do god knows what.  So i can't help but think maybe he'll transfer somewhere that happens to correlate to where i'm going to be in a year but i know that's far fetched.  His mom is coming up today.  I know she will support him in transferfing, just as i do.  It all makes sense.  I think he would be happier.  I hope he would be happier.  I don't know whether or not he would still be in my life, but i'm just really glad for having known him.  As gay as that sounds.  It's been an interesting six months and i really do love him and even though this letting go will be different than the others i've had to do, i think it will be good.  I hope it's fair to say we've helped each other a lot this past year when we really needed someone, or at least he's really helped me in a lot of ways and i really love him, but i understand that you can't make things last longer than they're supposed to.  and this one seems to have run its course for now.  i'll never forget him.  if we still have a future together after this, with or without intermission, that's great, but if not...it's ok because i've learned so much and loved so much i can't even begin to explain.  I love him.  Let it be...