home again home again jiggidy jig

I haven't heard from him yet today.  All i feel is depressed and alone.  Not relieved to be done, not glad to be home, not excited to be leaving.  What is wrong with me?  How is it that i always manage to focus on the negative?  Why hasn't he texted me?  Why did i tell him i hate talking on the phone?  Why didn't i make him promise that we could talk everyday, via Aim or texting or something?  Why do i have to pretend i don't need him as much as i actually do?  Where is he, what is he doing, how are his friends, is he getting along ok with his parents, did he sleep ok last night, how many times did he get high today, is the weed there better, is he bored, when is he leaving to go skiing, does he miss me, am i the only one having a hell of a time with this month apart thing, why didnt he want to see me inbetween-i would've driven down, does he really think we can go back to what we were after a month of not talking or seeing each other, did i? god dammit, i really have got to stop checking my phone- it's sitting right next to me, i would hear it if it vibrated.  stop checking to see if he's online.  He's not.  Let it go michelle.  Suck it up.  Let your heart break and get over it.  You can start again.  You're a pheonix baby girl, just don't stop to think about the burn too much.  

I am not ok.  I do not want to be here.  I hate how much i need you.  STOP CHECKING YOUR PHONE!!!!!!